I've never really been a guy that understood the saying "The Fear of Success". To me, that's always been something a failure, or a lazy person would say. I mean, c'mon, we'd all love to be successful, would we not? Whether it be with family, or finances, or sports, or writing, whatever. Who wouldn't want to show off what they've got, right?
Well, I can tell you with much certainty that these last couple of weeks for me have been filled with an abundance of fear. Not so much about the fear of success, because, ultimately, I think that ends up sounding a tad pretentious, but rather the fear of the unknown; the fear of relinquishing control of my stories to someone else. I know it doesn't sound rational, because isn't that what all would-be authors want? Don't we all want to have our prose published and read?
Here's what my thought process has been lately:
What if someone likes my material? How much of it will they want to change?
What if I get picked up? Will the well run dry prematurely?
What if I'm a one-hit-wonder? Then I look fluky, not skilled.
What if more than one agency wants me? Now what? I am the least cutthroat person I know. I haven't the foggiest on how to negotiate. Maybe I'd better brush up just in case.
What if, what if, what if.
What if... I don't even know anymore. It's almost gotten to the point where I don't even want to go through the hassle of submitting material. Maybe I'm ahead of the game, because fear of rejection isn't even on the radar. Things have always rolled off my back pretty smoothly for most of my life. Maybe that's a bad omen...
One thing I am 100% certain would happen if I don't submit anything - absolutely nothing.